)Saetyrical's Recent Statuses
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Wed, 8-May-24 4:51 PM (1 day ago)
If at first you don’t succeed Then skydiving probably isn’t for you
Wed, 8-May-24 11:08 AM (1 day ago)
I went skydiving today for the first time. This guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the Plane and as we plummeted, he said: “So, how long have you been an Instructor?"
Tue, 7-May-24 3:00 PM (2 days ago)
My pastor asked me how do I view homosexuality He didn't like when I said "usually in 1080p"
Did you hear about the 1st restaurant to open on the moon? It had great food but no atmosphere.
(3 days ago)
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life
(5 days ago)
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? ….A stick
(5 days ago)
I put the internet router into the barn. Now I have stable WiFi.
(5 days ago)
.... A Guinness I must be fecking Irish, if I ordered a bold of pasta would ye think I was Italian? No offence ment, says the lady. It's just that this is a library.
(5 days ago)
Put down the leftover christmas crackers please
(9 days ago)
Swings christmas cracker around like a like saber (sound effects included)
(9 days ago)
SexyEnglishBabe likes this
Wed, 24-Apr-24 2:25 PM (15 days ago)
I’ve been seeing a counselor who uses Dad Jokes Therapy He’s a sigh-cologist.
This morning I walked down a road where the houses were numbered 4kb, 8kb, 16kb, 32kb, 64kb, 128kb and 256kb. It was a walk down memory lane.
(19 days ago)
Fri, 19-Apr-24 12:15 PM (20 days ago)
Police have arrested a dog for giving birth on the street. It was charged with public littering.
At first I didn't like the reactions to my status jokes But they've groan on me
(20 days ago)
What has 5 toes but isn't your foot? My foot
(21 days ago)
I got pulled over by the cops the other day. they asked me if I had a police record. I don’t think Roxanne was what they where looking for
(21 days ago)
I got arrested for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia. Fortunately I could explain everything.
(21 days ago)
Last I dreamt I was swimming in a lake of lemonade; turns out is was a Fanta sea 
(21 days ago)
WendySilvia likes this
Sun, 14-Apr-24 10:49 AM (25 days ago)
I was mugged by a group of 6 dwarves last night ….Not happy
I got sick in Madrid, and my hotel told me they have a doctor on staff. I was surprised to hear that. They said, "No one expects the Spanish inn physician!"
(25 days ago)
bimarriedbottom likes this
Sat, 13-Apr-24 11:12 AM (26 days ago)
A man was checked into the ICU today when it was discovered… He had 12 plastic horses inserted through his rectum. Doctors are now describing his condition as “stable”.
Fbvines likes this
I was walking down the aisle in Harbor freight And all the stud finders started going off
(28 days ago)
SpiritWolf68 likes this
Why did the journalist go the ice cream store?..because she wanted to get a good scoop.
(28 days ago)
SpiritWolf68 likes this
Wed, 10-Apr-24 10:03 AM (29 days ago)
so I asked Siri, "Surely, it's not going to rain today?" And she replied, "Yes it is, and don't call me Shirley." That was when I realized I'd left my phone on Airplane mode
Sun, 7-Apr-24 11:09 AM (32 days ago)
My friend told me they're making a trail mix without any raisins or M&M's. I told them, "Well that's just nuts."
Wed, 3-Apr-24 10:22 AM (36 days ago)
So i asked 100 women which shampoo they preferred in the shower.. The number one answer was “Get the hell out of here!"
Astronaut 1: 'I can’t find any milk for my coffee.' Astronaut 2: 'In space no one can… here, use cream.'
(36 days ago)
Did you know the inventor of the Merry-go-round and the inventor of the Ferris wheel have never met? They travel in different circles
(36 days ago)
Tue, 2-Apr-24 10:11 AM (37 days ago)
What's the best thing about gardening? Getting down and dirty with your hoes!
"I've just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way."
(37 days ago)
why is Jesus always depicted with brown or blond hair but almost never black hair? Because he dyed for our sins …
(37 days ago)
Why should't you write with a broken pencil?...Because it's pointless.
(38 days ago)
What’s brown and sounds like a bell? DUNG!
(38 days ago)
I was recently asked, “What’s your favorite sex position?” I said, “The Zombie, I just lie-down and get eaten.”
(40 days ago)
When you see a "V" formation of birds flying, why does side look longer? There's more birds on that side. 😎
(40 days ago)
Wed, 27-Mar-24 10:57 AM (43 days ago)
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends. So she said I was useless in bed. Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
Whenever my partner is upset I let them color in my black and white tattoos. They really just needed a shoulder to crayon.
(43 days ago)
Artistic likes this
A priest, a thief, a liar, and a p*****ile walk into a bar. He ordered a beer. 🤣🤣🤣😭😱
(45 days ago)
Tue, 8-Aug-23 1:05 PM (275 days ago)
Just noticed the "winks" page. Somehow i managed to wink at a Lot of ppl without being aware of it...
...
I've only winked at three people, one was myself and one was an accident lol.
(275 days ago)
I’m still mystified over the utility of it. It took me forever to find the list of who has winked at you. It then what? PM? Just send a PM! I’ve never winked back. What happens?
(275 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Thu, 3-Aug-23 9:04 PM (279 days ago)
How does it make sense that you cannot Report your own status post, but you Can Like or Tip yourself?
Chuck lobbied hard and long to get the like button on your own status post.
(279 days ago)
And even though the tip button is there, you cannot tip yourself.
(279 days ago)
lennynatural likes this
yep no one else fought that hard liking himself 
(279 days ago)
Sun, 23-Jul-23 12:52 PM (291 days ago)
Finishing up a 9th anni weekend with one of my partners. Fucking perfect. Already planning a getaway for our 10 yr...
smitten4u likes this